Saturday, October 12, 2013

The League of Extraordinary Bloggers: Halloween

So the theme this week is Halloween, that being said it's time to try something new, so with that in mind, Nerd Rage Against the machine presents- The Best and Worst of Halloween!


The Lion Bar- Maybe it's the fact that finding this awesome British candy bar here in the states requires me to order on line or an 8 hour trip to St Louis, but damn they are the kind of candy that if I found in my Trick or Treat bag (or my daughters) I would indeed be in heaven. Chocolate, caramel wafer and rice crisps make this damned delectable, with only the much vaunted Reece's peanut butter cup taking a close second.

The Root Beer Barrel-I am not kidding when I say I would rather get a toothbrush in my bag than these horrible tasting solid sugar lumps of doom. they taste more like the nastiest licorice I can imagine than they do any actual root beer I have ever had, and to be honest I enjoy a nice root beer. But I would imagine vinyl siding to taste better than these horrid lumps, at least the toothbrush would be useful. 


Shadow of the Vampire- This film NAILS IT! it is a fictional retelling of the filming of FW Murnow's Nosferatu. with John Malcovitch as Murnow, and the ever creepy Willem Defoe as Max Schreck. Incredible performances the vampire is an actual monster, not just someone tarted up who moans on about a beast I am lest a beast I become bullshit. This is an incredible film, from the talent to the story to and to the setting. 


Twilight (series)- Yes I realize that hating on twilight is more obvious than hating on the Star Wars Prequels but that won't stop me from doing it. I did try to sit through the first one, I went throught 4 years of film school, and watched a lot of dreck, so how bad could it be? Bad. It was less of a vampire film and more about a group of people with super powers that seemed to emulate the powers of vampires. The dead eyed stares of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were hardly any help here. The only plus is that Edward was smoother with the ladies than Anican Skywalker, but only by a little. 


Evil Dead-2- This is a no brainer, take a horror script, add Bruce Campbell, and shoot the whole damn thing like a 3 stooges film on acid. The Result? This is why Bruce Campbell is a cult film hero, right here. a man who can deliver exact comic timing and still go insane enough to cut off his own hand with a chainsaw making it both creepy and funny at the same time. The sequel (Army of Darkness) Is also verymuch worth seeing. 


Scary Movie (series)- I sat through Scary Movie 2 with a friend of mine who thought I would like it because in his words I like "dumb comedy" you know like Monty Python, or the Venture Brothers. I sat through this 2 hour cinematic bowel movement stone faced. Not one scrap of celluloid inducing so much as a smile, and yes I was willing to give it a try. The jokes (if you can call them that) seem like the kind of crap high school kids would come up with for a pep rally. Mostly consisting of "remember this piece of obvious pop culture" gags using the most obvious toilet humor to play them to their conclusions. and no movie from the creators of has proven to be one iota better. I could fill this blog with my loathing for this piece of garbage but why bother? 


Hotel Transylvania- I know some of you out there are crying foul right about now. "what? Not Nightmare before Christmas?" "How dare you?" "Tim Burton's Masterpiece is a work of Genius!" Well, I disagree. Tim Burton is a highly derivative director who took 90% of his visual cues from Robert Weine. Don't believe me? Watch the Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, and compare the look of Burton's films. The architecture? Check, The characters? Check (doesn't Edward Scissorhands look just  like Cesare?) Yes it has some very catchy tunes but it's not the greatest film ever made. And I will admit this is also true of my choice, but as a father to a beautiful baby girl, it strikes a chord. The gags are cute, the film flows well and is written with adults in mind with many jokes, and the whole thing was directed by Gennedy Tartikofski (Dexter's Lab/ Samurai Jack) what's not to like? 


Elvira, Mistress of the Dark- O.K. Not a horrible film, but definitely a poor choice if you have small kids around. I'm Jus sayin'

The Zombie- Look, I get it zombies are a great stand in for an overwhelming tide of humanity infecting what is pure in humanity. Romero's Night of the Living Dead could have been an analogy for  the communist threat. Now a day it could be a stand in for consumer culture or a culture to inwardly obsessed with the digital world to make a mark in the real one. But they are also a great monster because they have almost no sympathetic side in their purest form. It's not racist or evil to hate or want to riddle zombies with more lead than a Chinese toy factory. They are a survivalist's wet dream for an enemy. A real communist, may have a point or even be able to rationalize with you. But not Zombies they are solely here to make you one of them and eat your brains. but Aliens, Vampires, and Lycanthopes can all be sympathized with, even loved. This is why there are so many games and movies about zombies, kill em' no one will mind. 

Mankind- Lets be fair until we find real monsters, Man is the template for all of our made up ones. We have a history of being unwaveringly cruel, evil and vile. and this makes for some of the scariest stories. from the Shining, to Psycho, to even Tod Browning's freaks where the menagerie of deformed folk were not at all evil and the most twisted foul beasts in the film were the so called normal and beautiful people. In short we really can be the true face of evil. 

Now let's see what trick and treats the rest of the league has to offer! 
The Monster Cafe
Nerd Out With Me
Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks
the 30ish Year old Boy
Team Hellions
Diary of a Dorkette
Cool and Collected

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